#99 The 10 Self-Sabotage Patterns Quietly Ruining Your Life

Have you ever felt like you are the one standing in your own way, even when you genuinely want more for your life?

Maybe you keep putting things off, talking yourself out of opportunities, shrinking in moments that matter, or repeating habits that leave you frustrated with yourself afterwards. Self-sabotage can be quiet like that. It often hides inside fear, delay, denial, guilt, and the stories you have repeated for so long they now feel true.

In Episode 99 of The Billy Boss Show, The 10 Self-Sabotage Patterns Quietly Ruining Your Life, we unpack the unconscious patterns that can keep you stuck in cycles of self-doubt, procrastination, blame, fear, and resistance to change. This is a grounded, honest conversation about awareness, ownership, and what it really takes to stop running on autopilot and start changing the patterns shaping your life.

Tune in to hear all of this and more:

[00:00:00] - What You Do Not Acknowledge, You Cannot Change
[00:00:55] - Welcome
[00:02:31] - Why Fear, Procrastination, and Self-Doubt Keep You Stuck
[00:03:51] - You Are Your Own Rescue
[00:05:40] - Why Awareness and Ownership Must Come First
[00:08:24] - The 10 Self-Sabotage Patterns Running on Autopilot
[00:09:03] - Limiting Beliefs and the Language Blocking Your Growth
[00:12:09] - Blame, Assumptions, Self-Concept, and Delay
[00:17:41] - Fear, Denial, Guilt, and Impatience
[00:24:30] - One Honest Step Can Change Your Life

To explore this message more deeply with added reflection and support, visit the blog article at www.billyboss.com/99

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And if there is a pattern you are trying to understand, or a question you would love me to go deeper on, Ask Billy Anything is open for you. Send through your question, and I would be honoured to answer it in a future episode. Submit it here:
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Transcript

What You Do Not Acknowledge, You Cannot Change

Billy Boss 0:00

I'm sure you've heard the saying, what you do not acknowledge, you cannot change. So as I'm going through these patterns, I want you to acknowledge which one you're practicing. And I want you to own it. If you find yourself that your belief system is so negative, I want you to own it. Because that way you'll start to retrack your steps or retrace your steps to figure out why you have such a negative beliefs about yourself. And now if you're anything like me, I find myself in the majority of these patterns. I own it. And guess what? The end is more important than the start. Hey,

Welcome

Billy Boss 0:55

it's Billy Boss, and I'm obsessed with all things confidence and helping you navigate through the ups and downs of this journey we call life. Not too long ago, I was stuck in a place of fear and anxiety. But today I'm going to mention to empower you to lead healthy and happy life filled with confidence. Think of this journey as your going to destination for honest discussions. We're diving deep into topics such as self-belief, acceptance, self-love in a child, and all things confidence. We leave no stone unturned. So grab your coffee, get ready to be pushed outside of your comfort zone, and prepare to be inspired and embark on a journey of learning and growth with us. This is the Boss Confidence Podcast. Hello and welcome to the Boss Confidence Podcast. If you're new here, welcome to our community. I'm sure you will find anything you're looking for to build your self-esteem, build your confidence, boost your confidence, get out of your comfort zone, transform yourself personally and professionally. Every episode will give you something that you can take one thing away, and if you implement it, you will get results. Now if you are back again for another dose of the Boss Confidence, welcome back. We love having you and thank you for supporting the Boss Confidence Podcast. I'm your host, Billy Boss, and one thing that I can tell you about myself,

Why Fear, Procrastination, and Self-Doubt Keep You Stuck

Billy Boss 2:31

I do most of the things in a very imperfect way. But you know what I have realised? It is better to be imperfect than never attempt doing what you love doing. See many people they're hiding themselves behind closed doors in fear, fear of judgment, fear of unknown, fear of stepping out of their comfort zone. Many people they are sitting in silence, or many people they are procrastinating the belief system about they're not good enough, feeling that they do not deserve, feeling that they do not know enough scares them. So if this is you, my friend, I really wanted to share something today that might help you to gain that awareness why are we doing what we are doing or why we are not doing what we really would love to do and achieve in our life. Now, before I go and share with you the self-sabotaging patterns that you might be doing and yet you're not quite aware of them, let me just tell you, you are your own rescue. You're

You Are Your Own Rescue

Billy Boss 3:51

your own savior. I can give you all tips and strategies, other people can share the same. You can go and read so many books, watch YouTube channels with all these empowering stories, transformational stories, but if you don't take anything away to execute, nothing will change in your life. Now give yourself a thousand chances and I'm encouraging you to press restart button when you get to nine and ninety nine. You have this amazing life, so give yourself the best chance ever. Whatever it takes, whatever it takes. Now another thing that you might need to hear right this moment is that nothing happens overnight. When it comes to your growth, to your healing, to letting go, to uh forgiving, to building your business, to becoming better mother, becoming better father, partner, husband, wife, everything is in process. Nothing happens overnight. It's step by step. And it's very important to remember that basic steps are what is creating the biggest results in our life. Now, as I go through quite a few of those self-sabotage sabotaging patterns, I told you there is so much imperfection to me. So as I go through these self-sabotaging patterns, which there are quite few, you are going to become aware or highly aware on how you're resisting

Why Awareness and Ownership Must Come First

Billy Boss 5:40

and obstacles that you are creating based on your actions or lack thereof. I'm sure you've heard the saying, what you do not acknowledge, you cannot change. So as I'm going through these patterns, I want you to acknowledge which one you're practicing. And I want you to own it. If you find yourself that your belief system is so negative, I want you to own it. Because that way you'll start to retrack your steps or retrace your steps to figure out why do you have such a negative beliefs about yourself. And now if you're anything like me, I find myself in majority of these patterns. I own it. And guess what? The end is more important than the start. So figuring out how to rebuild yourself, how to get out of these patterns, how you can come to solution quickly, that's what it matters. So if I have a very low or negative belief system about myself, it's okay, what do I need to do in here? How can I come out of this loop? But let's see, where is this coming from? So own it. Acknowledge it that you are doing some of these patterns, own it, and then let's figure out what can you do in order for you to come on the other side. So enough said, I gave my uplifting blurb about awareness and acknowledgement of our patterns. Now before I go to share any of these patterns, I would like to make a disclaimer that the idea for this session, or should I say, this episode, came from the book You Can Heal Your Life from Louise Hay. That's maybe one book that I that I studied word by word, page by page, and one book that really helped me so much in transforming myself personally, then that was a ripple effect in every other area of my life. So credit goes to Late Louise Hay, and I'm going to encourage you if you haven't read the book You Can Heal Your Life, please do so. Okay, so let's dive into it.

The 10 Self-Sabotage Patterns Running on Autopilot

Billy Boss 8:24

I'm assuming, well, assuming is not good because that is also one of the self-sabotaging patterns. But I'm going to assume that you do have pen and paper so you can take some notes. So what are the self-sabotaging patterns that you might not be aware of and yet you are subconsciously doing it on a daily basis? What do I mean by subconsciously? You are on autopilot, you're doing things without really realising what you are doing. So I'll start off, and this is not in any particular order, but I'm going to mention first uh self-sabotaging pattern as our belief system.

Limiting Beliefs and the Language Blocking Your Growth

Billy Boss 9:03

So we grow up with believe that become our resistance to change. We usually call those limiting beliefs. What is a limiting belief or a thought pattern? The limiting belief or that negative thought pattern is something that is holding you back from achieving your full potential. From achieving your full potential from living life that you really truly deserve and desire. So do you find yourself saying things such as it's too much hard work, it's too hard, this is not for me. I don't believe in it. I'm not that kind of person. I'm not smart enough. I'm not worthy of love. I don't deserve happiness. Do you find yourself saying any of these things? Or any other limiting beliefs that is blocking your growth? What is it that you're saying? Become aware of it. Write it down. The point of this exercise is to become highly aware of your language that you are using, that you're saying to yourself. How do you speak to yourself about yourself, about your abilities? So become highly aware of your limiting beliefs. What is that language that you're constantly, constantly saying that is blocking you from building your amazing life personally and professionally. Now, number two, nonverbal clues. In other words, it's our body language. It's the message that we convey without the use of words. And the example of this can be leaving the room. If somebody is saying something that it that you are subconsciously refusing, you find yourself that you're going to leave the room. You're leaving the premises. Maybe you are someone who is getting sick quite often, so your body is reacting to something and you're not even sure why you're getting sick most of the time. Maybe you are looking away. If somebody is talking to you, you are resisting on a subconscious level by looking away. You are refusing to pay attention. You're not really communicating at all by words, but your body language is showing that. Maybe you are consuming yourself in drinking, in eating, smoking, shopping. Maybe you're doing something else from what you're really meant to be doing, or maybe you find yourself changing the subject. Could this be you? Could it be that you're self sabotaging your progress by non verbal clues? Number three them.

Blame, Assumptions, Self-Concept, and Delay

Billy Boss 12:09

This is somebody else. We are giving power to other people, we are giving power to others and we use excuse as our resistance to change by simply pointing that it is somebody's else fault but not ours. We are creating victim of ourselves. And here are a few examples that you might recognise this pattern. Usually I hear people say, My doctor doesn't want me to do whatever. So it's on the doctor. That way we are resisting that need for a change because doctor said so. He or she is not right trainer for me, not right coach for me. So it's he or she. He does not know that. She does not have a clue about this, so because they don't have a clue, well, I'm not going to change. It's all their fault. I hear this a lot and this was me. It's all day fault. Most of my life it was my father's fault the way how I used to live, because I was still in a state of victim. Or you might catch yourself saying you need to change first. We somehow put blame on somebody else. So by somebody else f uh changing first, then we will change. Well, why don't we start that journey first? Why do we put that on somebody else? Why does your life and happiness and joy and fulfillment need to come from somebody else doing things first? Why not you? Or maybe you find yourself saying, Well, you don't understand. And just because somebody does not understand, you find yourself in the state of victimhood that you're blocking yourself from growth. You're resisting to change. Here's another self-sabotaging pattern. Number four, assumptions. This is where we often assume things only to justify our resistance. We do make statements such as, well, my husband would never understand it. It's not going to work for me. I went through this in my last or previous relationship. Only crazy people go to the therapist. Nobody else does it. My situation is different. So in here, we are just assuming, we are assuming that my husband will never understand. We are assuming that just because we went through something in our previous relationship that we are going to experience the same thing. So this is another huge self-sabotaging pattern. So could this be you? Could this be you assuming most of the things or somehow predicting that some of those things would happen? So next time when you catch yourself in this loop of assumption, I want you to start from a clean slate without assuming what is going to happen. Go with it new and fresh. Start and believe. Number five, self concept. Now this is where we have that idea about ourselves that we use as a limitation or resistance to change. And if we are in this pattern, most likely we are going to say things such as I'm too old, I'm too poor, I'm too strong, I am too independent, I'm young, I can't deliver this project because people think that I'm just too young. You know, some people say like I'm too fat. So do you find yourself in that statement of I am? And again, if this is you, please remember that this concept of yourself, self-concept, it is the idea about ourselves that we use as a limitation for our change and for our growth. So could this be you? Number six, it's delaying tactics. Now, delaying tactics we are using to often express itself as delaying tasks. This is where we are having quite a few excuses, such as, well, I will do it later. I don't have time right now. I will think about it and let you know tomorrow. Oh, it's too late now, it's too soon, I have many things to do. This is where where we are non really specific, non specific. I have many things to do. So could this be you? Sometimes when I hear people say I have many things to do, I will ask them to list all of the things what they really have to do. And you sometimes can be surprised that there is not so many things. It's just that we are thinking that there are so many things. So are you in the habit of delaying tactics? Number seven.

Fear, Denial, Guilt, and Impatience

Billy Boss 17:41

Oh, this is by far maybe the biggest category of resistance uh resistance. It is fear. Fear. So do you hear yourself saying, I'm scared to speak up, I'm scared to show up, I might fail, I'm not good enough, I'm afraid to express my feelings. I might get hurt. Well, you are afraid to express your feelings because you might get hurt, I'm scared to try. Are any of these examples resonating with you, if not the specific ones? What is that fear that is blocking you? List it all down. Now once you list your own fears down, can you start to think a bit deeper? Can you start to go a bit vertically with this and ask yourself, where are those fears coming from? Now we know that fears are learned. We are only born with two fears, fear of loud noise and fear of heights. And I can tell you that I have both of these fears, like heights and noise. But every other fear has been learned. So by writing your own fears down that you have learned so far, can you pinpoint, can you figure out where are they coming from? Hey, let me just reassure you that we are almost approaching the end of this episode, so bear with me a little bit longer because you might find yourself in this self-sabotaging pattern. Number eight, denial. Now denial is a defense mechanism where we refuse to accept reality or truth, typically to protect ourselves from painful or maybe uncomfortable situations. So have you ever found yourself in such a situation? In denial. Certainly I have. And if you are denying things, let me reassure you that there is nothing to be ashamed of it. As I said earlier on, own it, accept it, gain that awareness and dive into the theory of how do I change this? How do I change this? Some people they do have denial of some certain addictions. Some people they denial their illnesses, some people they denial their trauma. This was hugely me. I denied my trauma. You know, some traumatic events that I would try to minimise rather to see for what really it was going on. Denial of relationship problems. Woo-hoo, that was me again. Uh, mind you, illnesses and addiction, that was this, this was all me. So there are so many denials that we put ourselves in, and denial can be temporary coping mechanism. That's why I'm saying to you, do not be ashamed of it, because that's maybe how you learned how to cope through through this mechanism. By denying things, we are also managing our overwhelming emotions or protecting our self-image. So there are some deeper things that we somehow in a negative way see the benefit of denial. And if we stay in this state for quite a long time, it can be quite damaging on our well-being. So the language around denial can be something like, There is nothing wrong with me, I won't worry about it, it will go away. I was right when I said such and such things. So you're just denying the truth. I can't do anything about the problem. You're just again denying about your abilities and strengths. Maybe you catch yourself saying, Let's not talk about it. I don't want to know or deal with this right now. Can we now change the subject? Let's focus on something else. That's not the real problem. Can you relate to any of these things? Or maybe you said to yourself, Well, it's not. A big deal. It's just a minor inconvenience. So do you hear yourself in this self-sabotaging pattern? Number nine. Guilt. Now I would love to meet someone that it doesn't have some type of guilt that they're carrying on. But guilt is that complex emotion that arises when we feel, we believe that we have done something wrong. And when we do have that guilt within us, there is a heavy burden of unworthiness. And we when we feel unworthy, we really cannot prosper. We really cannot move forward. Now without me sharing so much about the guilt and how to overcome, how to recognise, I'm going to invite you to go and listen to episode number nine. Amazing Renee Webster, she shared the importance of understanding and acknowledging the guilt and shame. So I'm going to invite you to go and listen to episode number nine, but this is hugely self-sabotaging pattern. And lucky last, number ten is impatiency. And I will stop right there. I just want you to ask yourself, am I impatient? Am I rushing through making decisions? And this is different from speed of action. Am I rushing to make decisions? Usually when we are impatient, we are resisting steps to learn. Those um impatient choices can also contribute to our level of stress and anxiety. It can also contribute to impulsive behaviors. So I just want you to ask yourself, am I an impatient person? And I want you to become aware of any of these patterns. Could this be your? What can you do about them? And when you do something about them, what do you see yourself achieving? Who do you see yourself being? In

One Honest Step Can Change Your Life

Billy Boss 24:30

order for us to achieve something, let me just remind you as a closing sentence, we need to first know who do we need to be in order what we need to do in order to gain whatever we would like in our life. I hope this episode serves you well and I hope that you can take one thing away with you today to implement that is going to help you to change your outcome of your life, whether you choose to be personally or professionally. Sending you all my love and until next time, stay safe and look after your amazing self. This message is from Imperfect Billy Boss. Bye. If you like this toy and if it's adding a little extra sunshine to your day and boosting yourself belief, don't keep it a secret. Share it with your friends so they can also enjoy these good vibes. To keep this positive momentum going, please hit that subscribe button and leave us a review and give us the rating. We would be thrilled to have you as part of our community. Thank you for tuning in today.