#96 5 Steps: How to Stop Asking Your Past for Permission and Move Forward With Confidence

Are you truly waiting for the right time, or are you still asking your past for permission to move forward? So many women think they need more healing, more confidence, or more certainty before they can take the next step. But sometimes what looks like caution is actually old pain, fear, or survival patterns quietly deciding what feels safe, possible, and allowed.

In Episode 96 of The Billy Boss Show, 5 Steps: How to Stop Asking Your Past for Permission and Move Forward With Confidence, we unpack one of the hidden ways women stay stuck without even realising it. This is a grounded, practical conversation about healing the past, breaking old patterns, rebuilding self-trust, and learning how to move forward with more clarity, self-worth, and confidence. You will also learn five simple steps to stop letting old pain lead your decisions and start choosing from the woman you are becoming now.

Tune in to hear all of this and more:

[00:00:00] - Welcome
[00:00:40] - Are You Waiting, or Asking Your Past for Permission?
[00:03:18] - When Old Pain Sounds Like “I’m Not Ready Yet”
[00:03:51] - What It Really Means to Ask Your Past for Permission
[00:05:24] - Why the Past Chooses Protection Over Expansion
[00:07:08] - When Fear Sounds Wise, Careful, or Responsible
[00:10:31] - Surviving Is Not the Same as Living
[00:12:00] - 5 Steps to Stop Letting the Past Lead
[00:12:39] - Step 1 and 2: Awareness and Identity
[00:16:14] - Step 3, 4 and 5: Certainty, Permission, and Action
[00:21:15] - Your Past May Explain the Pattern, But It Does Not Decide the Future

To explore this message more deeply with added reflection and support, visit the blog article at www.billyboss.com/96

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Transcript

Welcome

Billy Boss 0:00

Welcome to today's episode of the Billy Boss Show, The Pathway to Healing, Self-Love and Confidence. I'm your host, Billy Boss, and I'm so grateful that you're here with me today. Now, if this is your first time listening, welcome. I truly believe there is a reason you found this space, and I'm really honored to have you here with me. Also make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss a bit. And new episodes are released every Tuesday. So if you're on the pathway of personal growth, I can guarantee you that this is a space for you. And I'm so excited to support you on this journey.

Are You Waiting, or Asking Your Past for Permission?

Billy Boss 0:40

And today I'm going to talk about something that keeps so many of us stuck. And the truth is, most people do not even realise they're doing it. They might be thinking they're waiting for the right time, they might be thinking they're waiting for more confidence. They think they are waiting to feel more healed, more ready, maybe more certain or even more secure. But underneath of that, what they are often really doing is this. They are asking their past for permission to move forward. Yes, you heard me right. They are asking, maybe you are asking your past for permission to move forward. So what do I mean by that? Many people they are asking their pain for permission. They are asking their old identity for permission to do something in their life. They are asking for the versions of themselves that was hurt, rejected, maybe abandoned or criticised, overlooked or made to feel not enough whether it is now safe to rise, to move forward, to create bigger and better things. And the hard part is that most of us are not even consciously aware that we are doing it. So what do I mean when I said we are not doing this consciously or we are not aware consciously? We are not waking up in the morning and saying to ourselves, well, let me hand my power to my old wound today. This is much quieter than that. And it sounds like I'm just not ready yet. Now, if you haven't listened to the episode 94, I would strongly encourage you to do so because I really unpacked what is behind the saying of I'm not ready yet. So as I was saying, we don't wake up and saying, let me pass my power to an old wound. And it sounds like I'm not just ready yet. Maybe I'll do it later. I need a bit more confidence first, I need a bit more healing first. What if everything goes wrong again? What if I put myself out there and get hurt? What if I fail? What if I can't handle it? And what is underneath of all of these things that we are saying? Well, that is not the truth. In fact, this is memory speaking, this is hurt speaking, this is protection speaking. It is our past trying to keep us emotionally safe by keeping us in familiar zone. And let me just share with you that the intention

When Old Pain Sounds Like “I’m Not Ready Yet”

Billy Boss 3:18

of this episode is to be very practical because it is one thing to realise what's going on. Wow, I think I do this. That's one thing. But it's another thing to know how do I actually stop doing this? How can I catch it? How can I shift it? How do I live differently every day? So that is where we are going today. But first, what does it actually mean to ask your past for permission?

What It Really Means to Ask Your Past for Permission

Billy Boss 3:51

In my own definition, and how would I like to present this to you, it means that you are using old excuses, you are using old pain, old stories, old version of yourself or old survival patterns as the authority on what is possible for you now. It also means before you speak up, start the business, set the boundary, share your voice, take up space, trust again, love again, or back yourself, you'll internally check with the past. Not literally, but when you really think through, it is emotionally. You check with a version of you who was hurt and ask, Do I think I can do this? Do I think that I can speak up now? Do I think that I can actually start my business? Am I allowed to trust again? Am I allowed to take up space? Will I survive this? What if it happens again? What if I end up feeling how I used to feel? So if this is the dialogue that is repeated with you, you are continuously checking with the version of you who was hurt. And of course, if you're doing this, the past usually says no, stay where is familiar. No, stay where you can predict things. No, this is risky. No, don't risk it. No, don't be visible. No, don't trust too much. No, don't hope for too much. Don't try this

Why the Past Chooses Protection Over Expansion

Billy Boss 5:24

again. No, no, no. So why? Why is this happening? Because the past is not built for expansion. Let me say that again. Our past is not built on expansion. It is built for protection. So your old pain doesn't care about your purpose. It doesn't care for your growth. It only cares about your survival. It only cares about your comfort. It only cares about protecting you. And this is where so many women get confused. Of course, men too. We all get confused because we think I must not be ready. I must need more healing. I must not be confident enough. But often what's really happening in here that our younger, wounded, protective part is still running the decision for us. And this is very important to understand. Just because a part of you feels unsafe, that doesn't mean the whole of you is incapable. I want to say this again. Just because a part of you feels unsafe, this does not mean that the whole of you is incapable. The part of you might be scared. The part of you may be remembering something painful. The part of you may still be holding on to some pain. But you're not meant to let every fearful part of you become the leader of your life. You are meant to listen with compassion and then choose with wisdom. So let's expand a little bit about why we often do not realise that we are even

When Fear Sounds Wise, Careful, or Responsible

Billy Boss 7:08

doing this. And this is a sneaky part because most people they don't realise that they're asking their past for permission because it doesn't feel like fear. In fact, it really feels responsible, it really feels reasonable, at times feels very wise, and it sounds like I'm just being very careful. I'm just protecting my peace. I'm just waiting until I feel right for whatever that is for you. I'm just not focusing on that right now. I'm just being realistic. I'm just making sure I don't get hurt again. Now sometimes those things are very, very, very true, but sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're old pain wearing a wise voice. Sometimes it is not intention. Sometimes it is fear with a softer tone. Sometimes it is not alignment, and sometimes it is avoidance. And for exact this reason, this is why self-awareness matters so much. Because if you do not know when your past is speaking to you, you will keep calling old protection truth. This can actually show up in so many ways. You want to start something meaningful, but you keep corresponding because you do not feel ready. You want to speak up in relationship, but if unconsciously you keep checking with your past, you stay silent because conflict once felt unsafe. So now you stay silent for that safety. Maybe you want to increase your prices, set the boundaries, launch that offer, post the video, leave that unhealthy dynamic, trust someone new, put yourself out there, maybe that's what you want, but something in you is pulling you back. And again, you think I just need more time. Is this really the truth speaking? Or is this your past controlling your decisions right now? And after all, what you really need is to stop letting your past be authority. Because if your identity is still organised around what hurts you, then every new opportunity in life gets filtered through an old lens. Now if you were criticised, you might be feeling fear of being visible. If you were rejected, maybe you fear being fully seen. Maybe if you were abandoned, you fear trusting. Now if you were shamed, maybe you fear expression. Maybe if you were consistently disappointed, no doubt today you will fear hope. And this does mean that there is something wrong with you. In fact, this means that your nervous system learned to survive. But surviving and living are not the same things. And at some point in healing, you

Surviving Is Not the Same as Living

Billy Boss 10:31

have to decide, will I keep living from what happened to me or will I begin living from what matters to me now? So now we do have in here past or present moment. If we are keeping from what happened to us, well that is the past. Or making choice that if we are living from what matters to us now, that is the present. Which one would you choose? I hope you choose to act from now, from what matters to you right now. There is so much more coming in this episode that you don't want to miss. But first, I want to share this with you. This episode isn't just for you and me. It's meant to be shared. Now, if something in today's conversation inspires you, don't keep it yourself. Don't keep it a secret. Share with a friend, a loved one, or someone who needs to hear this message today. Post it, tag me, and let's spread the love together. Because you never know whose life you might change with just one share. And now more of this incredible conversation together. And this brings me to this particular part of this episode where I'm going now to

5 Steps to Stop Letting the Past Lead

Billy Boss 12:00

share how to stop asking your past for permission. And I've got five simple steps that you can walk away and start implementing them. Also, I want to let you know that with each step that I'm going to share here today with you, there is a daily practice on Billy Boss's website under the section of blogs. And to find that section easily, please go to show notes. The link is there. Click on that link and it will take you to the outline of all of those practices if you would like to dig deeper. So let's go back to those five steps. Step one,

Step 1 and 2: Awareness and Identity

Billy Boss 12:39

notice where your past is still making decision for you. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. So the first step is awareness. It is for you to notice where your past is making that decision for you. So start listening to the moments where you shrink, where you delay, where you hesitate to do something, or even where you pull back. And when you notice these things, I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions, a few questions. What am I telling myself right now? Now when you acknowledge what you're telling yourself right now, then go into is this truth or is this an old story? Then you can ask yourself, is this present reality or is this past pain? And another question that you can ask yourself is, am I responding to what is happening now or to what happened then? So by going through these few questions, you can really see, are you sitting in the past or are you in the present? And this is a such a powerful daily practice because the moment you notice, oh wow, this is not actually my present speaking, this is my past trying to protect me, then with this you create the space. And that space, that's what we are looking for. Because with that space, now you can make choice. Now, if you would like to practice this step, how that looks like, please go and apply that daily practice application on Billy Boss website under the blog section. Link is in show notes. Now, second step, you separate what happened to you from who you are. This is one of the incredible shifts. So many women and men unconsciously turn pain experience into permanent identity. They don't just say I was rejected. They begin living as I'm the one who gets rejected. And that's totally different from being rejected to I'm the one who gets rejected. They don't just say I went through heartbreak. Instead, they begin living as I'm hard to love. They don't just say I struggled before. They begin living as I'm just not the kind of person who succeeds. And this is where your pain stops being something you experienced and starts being something you believe you are. And this is exactly what keeps the past in power. Because you're no longer looking the past as experience, you are living it. You start becoming something that you believe you are. So you might have been hurt, but you are not your hurt. Maybe you have been overlooked, but that is not your current identity. Maybe you have failed before, but you are not a failure. Maybe you have been silenced for years and years and years, but silence is not who you are. So start separating your past painful experiences versus living as the past. You are not that. Now third

Step 3, 4 and 5: Certainty, Permission, and Action

Billy Boss 16:14

step, stop looking for emotional certainty before you move. This is again a huge one. A lot of people think they really need to fully heal, fully be confident, fully be ready before they take the next step. But if you're waiting for the fear to disappear before you move forward, well, my friend, you may be waiting forever. Because fear is like that family member who you can't get rid of. You can get away from your family member, you can ignore them, but guess what? That's in your bloodline. You will never get rid of them. You cannot tell that your aunt is not your auntie if she's your auntie by blood. So that's a little bit like with fear. Fear is always present. Fear will always be in your life, in my life, because growth often feels uncomfortable. New things often feel uncertain. Expansions often feel vulnerable, and that doesn't mean something is wrong. It may simply mean that you are living what is familiar. And this is where so many women accidentally give the past authority. They let discomfort stop them from doing things differently. In fact, discomfort doesn't always mean danger. Sometimes discomfort simply means this is new, this matters, this stretches the old version of me. So please pay attention to this third step to stop looking for emotional certainty before you move forward. And there is also daily practical application for this step. And if you are interested, please go and find it under the blog section on Billy Boss website. Now, step four, give yourself present day permission. This is not give yourself permission, but give yourself present day permission. What do I mean by this? Now, if you have spent years unconsciously waiting for the past to approve your growth, then you need to consciously give yourself permission now. Because your wounded self may never feel fully comfortable with your expansion, with you leveling up, with you moving forward. That version of you was shaped in fear, that version of you may be shaped in pain or some certain limitations. So if you keep waiting for that part to feel completely safe before you move, you will keep staying small. You will not move forward at all. This is why present day permission matters so much. Again, we are in the present moment. So today, you get to decide. You get to say to yourself, I'm allowed to outgo an old identities. I'm allowed to choose differently. I'm allowed to trust myself now. I'm allowed to move forward even if my past does not understand it yet. I'm allowed to create a life that looks differently from what I have known. So this is you speaking to yourself today. Today you get to decide. Today you get to say all of these things. Daily practical application is also prepared for you if you would like to expand on this particular step. Now we get to step number five: build evidence through action. Evidence, it is so important because we need to have the foundation of something. So this is where real change starts to land. Because insight alone is not enough. At some point you have to show your nervous system that I can do things differently now, today. In present, today, now. See, I'm just keep repeating this couple of words. Now, today, present. You build trust with yourself by acting in a new ways, not all at once, not dramatically, but consistently. Small little steps, tiny steps consistently. So we are building evidence through action. Now, if your past says stay quiet, don't say anything, maybe your new action is speaking honestly once. See? Small, tiny steps. Let's build that evidence. Now, if your past says do not be seen, don't get out there, maybe your new action is posting that video, another small little action. Now, if your past says to you,

Your Past May Explain the Pattern, But It Does Not Decide the Future

Billy Boss 21:15

do not ask for what you need, maybe your new action is setting one small, clear, healthy boundary. Now if your past says do not try it again because you remember what happened last time, maybe your new action is applying it anyway. Start small, be consistent, build that evidence. Your future is not built by thinking differently once. It's built by practicing differently repeatedly. If you take anything from today's episode, let it be this. Your past may explain some of your patterns, but it doesn't get to decide your future. Take that away with you today. You don't need your past to approve your growth. You don't need all pain to validate your new possibilities. You don't need a former version of yourself to agree with who you are becoming. You are allowed to move forward. You are allowed to choose differently. You are allowed to become someone your past did not predict. And certainly you do not have to do it perfectly. You just have to stop handing yesterday the authority over today. So let me remind you again. We've got five steps in here. Notice where your past is still making decisions for you. Separate what happened to you from who you are. Stop looking for emotional certainty before you move forward. Give yourself present day permission and build evidence through action. And as I said, we have daily practice application for each of these steps, and you can get them on Billy Boss's website in the blog section, and the link is in your show notes. Now, if you love this podcast and find value in this conversation that we are having, I would be so grateful if you could leave us a five-star review and rate the show. Your support helps us reach more incredible people just like you. Also, I would love to hear your thoughts. Tag me on social media when you share this episode and let me know what resonated with you the most. So thank you for being here with me. Remember that new episodes are released every Tuesday. And if no one told you today, let me tell you you are enough. You are beautiful, you are deserving. And until next time, stay well and stay safe.