#93 The One Thing That Will Improve Every Area of Your Life

Have you ever found yourself staying too long, giving too much, or calling the bare minimum enough, even when something deep inside you knows it is not? Settling does not always look obvious. Sometimes it looks like patience. Sometimes it looks like loyalty. Sometimes it looks like hope. But underneath it, many women are quietly accepting less than their worth and wondering why they keep ending up feeling unseen, unchosen, and emotionally drained.

In Episode 93 of The Billy Boss Show, The One Thing That Will Improve Every Area of Your Life, we unpack why self-negotiation quietly weakens self-trust, lowers your standards, and holds you back from the growth, healing, confidence, and peace you say you want. This is a grounded, empowering conversation about self-respect, discipline, and what it really takes to stop choosing temporary comfort over long-term change.

Tune in to hear all of this and more:

[00:00:00] - Welcome and the One Thing That Changes Everything
[00:00:43] - How Stopping Self-Negotiation Improves Every Area of Life
[00:01:37] - The Inner Dialogue That Talks You Out of Growth
[00:04:01] - How Self-Negotiation Lowers Self-Respect and Standards
[00:06:16] - Why Confidence, Healing and Peace Suffer When You Keep Bargaining
[00:07:17] - Why We Negotiate: The Mind Wants Safety, Not Growth
[00:10:24] - Choosing Comfort Over Commitment Keeps Life the Same
[00:13:17] - Self-Leadership, Integrity and Honouring Your Standards
[00:16:36] - Act Before the Mind Starts Debating
[00:20:47] - The Final Reminder: Catch the Negotiation Early

To explore this message more deeply with added reflection and support, visit the blog article at www.billyboss.com/93

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Transcript

Welcome

Billy Boss 0:00

The one thing that will improve every area of your life. Welcome to today's episode of the Billy Boss Show, The Pathway to Healing, Self-Love and Confidence. I'm your host, Billy Boss, and I'm so grateful that you are here with me today. And if this is your first time here with me, welcome. And I'm so glad that you're part of this journey, and no doubt there is a reason why you found us. So thank you for joining us and being here and welcome. Also, make sure you do subscribe to our show so you don't miss a bit. New episodes are released every Tuesday. And today I want to talk about that one

How Stopping Self-Negotiation Improves Every Area of Life

Billy Boss 0:43

thing. One thing that has the power to improve every area of your life. And when I say every area of your life, it is your journey of healing. You boosting your confidence, you rebuilding your self-worth, your health, your relationships, your business, your discipline, your inner peace, your outer peace, your freedom. Name it. It will improve that area of your life if you stop doing this one thing, and that is stop negotiating with yourself. So the one thing that will improve every area of your life, it's stop negotiating with yourself. And I want you to let this land for you. How it can change everything once you stop negotiating

The Inner Dialogue That Talks You Out of Growth

Billy Boss 1:37

with yourself. Think of something that you really wanted to achieve, and then think of what are the reasons, what did you say to yourself that really stopped you from not achieving that very thing? No doubt it was your inner dialogue and not any inner dialogue. You have been negotiating with yourself. Because so many of what keeps people stuck is not that they don't know what to do or they're lacking information and knowledge, is that they keep negotiating with the very thing that they said it mattered in the first place. They keep making promises to themselves, and guess what? They start barging with it. So think of the time when you promise something to yourself that you're going to do it and you started negotiating with yourself. You made a promise, and then you were negotiating. So let's say you wanted to start your fitness journey. And I think the majority of us can relate in here when we think of New Year's resolution. No doubt you have made some new goals. And usually it's healthy living journey, fitness journey, healthy eating habits. You set yourself for success, and the very next thing, what comes out of your beautiful mouth. Oof, I'll start on Monday. Only this time I will skip that walk. Oh, it's not a big deal. It's only once that I can cheat with my meal. I'll go for a walk some other day. I'll go for a walk tomorrow. I'll set my boundaries next time. Or maybe there is the end off road for some certain relationships, but here you are. I'll stop texting him or her after this one last message. And we go on and on negotiating with ourselves. I'll stop drinking, just not tonight. I'll get up early, but just not tomorrow morning. I'll just sleep in tomorrow morning. I'll start my business. But I need to get more knowledge. And the list goes on and on and on. And little by little you keep talking yourself out of your growth, and little by little, you keep taking yourself out of your own transformation, out of your

How Self-Negotiation Lowers Self-Respect and Standards

Billy Boss 4:01

own success. And this is what self-negotiation does to you. It makes you betray your own standards in small, quiet ways that seems harmless in the moment, but over time they lower your self-respect. They weaken your consistency, they lower your standards and keep you stuck in the same pattern. And the tricky part to this is that negotiation usually sounds reasonable. There is no hard punch to it. It really sounds very soft, it sounds harmless, it sounds like just this once. It's not a big deal. I deserve a break. One day won't matter. This won't hurt. I'll do it later. I'll make up for it tomorrow. So it's very soft and harmless. That's why negotiation sounds quite reasonable. And because those thoughts sound so convincing, what do we do? We follow them. We so follow them. But what we often do not realise is that every time that we do negotiate with ourselves, we are teaching ourselves something that can really be negative on our path. And that is that our word does not mean much, that our standards are very flexible, that our commitments to ourselves are optional, that discomfort is a reason to back out. And this matters deeply because the way you keep promise to yourself shapes how you feel about yourself. Now, if you keep saying that you want to heal, but then you keep negotiating with the habits that keeps you wounded, well, then you stay stuck. If you say you want to build on your confidence, but keep negotiating every time you need to speak up, you need to show up or back yourself. Well, confidence is not going to grow there. And as we know, confidence is built in the challenging moments, getting out of your comfort zone, keeping promises to yourself.

Why Confidence, Healing and Peace Suffer When You Keep Bargaining

Billy Boss 6:16

So by negotiating with yourself, when it comes to confidence, instead of building your confidence, your confidence is chipped away bit by bit. Because you keep negotiating with yourself. If you say that you want better health, but keep negotiating with your discipline every time comfort calls in, well, the result says the same. It's not happening. Now, if you say that you want more peace, inner peace, outer peace, whatever peace you're after, but keep negotiating with the boundaries you know you need, your life will continue to feel quite heavy. It won't change. Everything will stay the same. So this is why this conversation is so important because growth is not only about knowing what you want, it's about becoming someone who stops barging with what matters. I want to speak about why do we

Why We Negotiate: The Mind Wants Safety, Not Growth

Billy Boss 7:17

do this? Why do we negotiate with ourselves? Because it's important to understand why we do this. So it's very important to understand that the mind is designed to keep you safe, not to make you grow. So mind is keeping you safe. Let me say this again. Your mind is designed to protect you, not to evolve you. Your mind is designed to keep you safe. And what does the mind see as safe? It sees familiarity. Everything that is familiar, it is very safe. It sees everything that is easy that is very safe. What we already know. That's what mind sees as a safety. What keeps your energy low? That is the safety. Also, what avoids risks, what avoids discomfort, effort, rejection, uncertainty, and any type of change. So anything outside of your comfort zone, the brain can read this as a threat. Not because it's actually danger, but because it is unfamiliar. So the things that you haven't done, but you want to do them, your mind will say, No, that is danger. And it will protect you, it will put you in that safety mode. No discomfort. That way you won't get rejected, that way you won't be seen. Just keep yourself safe. So this is why I would usually say your mind, it's not designed to make you healthy, happy, and successful. It's really designed to keep you safe. And unfamiliar can really feel unsafe to the nervous system. So this is why when you try to do something good for yourself, set a boundary, say no and not feeling guilty, go to the gym, maybe have some constructive or hard conversation with somebody, maybe stop the toxic habits, show up in life, speak your truth, follow through. This is where the mind often starts negotiating. Not because you are lazy, not because you are weak or weird, as I always like to throw that word in the conversation, but because a part of you it's seeking comfort and protection. So comfort feels good. Comfort feels easier, comfort also feels familiar. Comfort says stay here, don't push, don't risk, don't stretch, don't make this hard. But comfort is also where so many dreams go to die. Hear me again. Comfort is the place where so many dreams go to die. So I want you to start thinking of what are those dreams that you wanted to fulfill, but because of the comfort, you never did. Maybe this is your time to step up and make those dreams alive by just stop negotiating with yourself. Because if you keep choosing comfort over commitment,

Choosing Comfort Over Commitment Keeps Life the Same

Billy Boss 10:24

your life stays the same. And I think many of us know this pattern so well. You make a decision from your highest self, you feel clear, you feel motivated, you say, This time I'm serious, this time is different, and what happens next? The moment comes when you actually have to honor that promise. And negotiation begins. Yes. Then you start saying the same thing all over again. I'm tired, I'll do tomorrow. One time one matter, just this one drink, just this one missed workout, just this one text back, just this once, just this one day off. It's always the just this one time. But the truth is, it is rarely just once. That just once becomes a continuous pattern. Because every time you give in, you make it easier to give in again and again and again, and we are now creating a pattern here. And over time, what happens? Your standards drop. And this is why I say this feels so innocent, so subtle, only once. But your standards drop, and not at once, but slowly and quietly. And this is how people lose momentum. This is how self-trust weakens. And in order for us to rebuild our self-confidence, self-trust is needed. We need to trust in our abilities. We need to trust in our decisions. We need to trust in ourselves to move forward. So, yes, our self-trust weakens. This is how discipline disappears. And this is how people end up in the cycle they know are not serving them. Not because, again, they are incapable and they're lacking some certain skills, but because they kept negotiating with the very things that were meant to change their life. And I want to say this clearly: every time that you do negotiate with a standard that you set for yourself, you make it easy to disrespect your own word. And once you stop trusting your own word, everything becomes harder. Everything becomes harder. Your confidence drops because, as we just already mentioned so many times, confidence it is built on self-trust. Your self-worth drops because self-worth grows when you honor yourself. Your consistency drops because you have taught yourself that your mood matters more than your commitment. This is why stopping self-negotiation is so

Self-Leadership, Integrity and Honouring Your Standards

Billy Boss 13:17

powerful. Because when you stop negotiating with yourself, you become stronger, you become clearer, you become more disciplined, you start respecting yourself more, you stop living based on how you feel in the moment and start living based on the standards you chose when you were thinking clearly. And this is the power, and this is the self-leadership. And I'm not talking about a leadership as in business leadership. As I said, this is self-leadership. In order for us to lead anything outside of us, we really need to build our self-leadership. And I want to just clarify that this is not being harsh with yourself. This is not about becoming rigid or punishing or perfect. Absolutely not. This is about integrity. This is about you saying to yourself, if I made a promise to myself, I'm going to honor it. If I set a standard, well, I will live by it. If I said this matters to me, I'm going to stop taking myself out of the moments when they become uncomfortable. Because that discomfort is where the change is, where the change is happening. If you're craving even more inspiration and real talk to fuel your confidence and success, I've got something special for you. Make sure you join my weekly dose of love. It's feel good email that lands in your inbox every Tuesday, packed with motivation, mindset tips, and tools to help you thrive in life and business. You can sign up at billyboss.com or simply click the link in the show notes wherever you're listening to this episode. Go on, give yourself that little boost of love each week because you deserve it. So most people want the results, but they keep resisting the discomfort that is required to get there. They want confidence, but they avoid uncomfortable moments that builds that confidence. They want more healing, but they do avoid discomfort of facing their patents. They want better bodies, but what do they avoid? Well, they avoid discomfort of the discipline. Now, if you're somebody wanting that inner peace, maybe you have been avoiding the discomfort of boundaries. If you're someone who wants success, could it be that you are avoiding the discomfort of consistency? And the reason that you stay stuck is because you negotiating at the point of discomfort. So people they get stuck because they negotiate at the point of discomfort. And that is the moment to watch. That is where you need to change yourself. Not where it feels easy, but when it feels hard. That moment when your mind starts offering you an easy option, that moment where it says, not today, just this once, start again tomorrow, that is the moment that defines you. That is the moment that will change yourself. So what do you

Act Before the Mind Starts Debating

Billy Boss 16:36

do instead? So if there is one thing, just one thing I want you to do to stop negotiating with yourself is this. Act before the mind starts debating. Act before the mind starts negotiating. That's it. So act before the mind starts negotiating, before it gets louder. Because the longer you sit in that debating zone, the more likely that you are going to choose comfort. The mind is very persuasive once it gets going. When it gets taste of it, it will just keep going. So do not sit there and have a meeting with your excuses. Move. Do something. If you said you were going to go for a walk, just get up and do it. Before you start having that negative dialogue with you and debating. If you said to yourself that you are going early to bed, just go. Go. If you said you were getting out of the bed early, well, get up when that alarm goes off. Just get up. No negotiation, no debating. If you said to yourself, I'm going to set my boundaries, well, that's it. You are setting your boundaries. You're showing people how to treat you. No guilt, no shame in it. If you said to yourself that you are done with lowering your standards, well, act like it. No more people pleasing, no more people pleasing. Procrastination, perfectionism, stop. No debating. Do it before your comfort brain starts convincing you otherwise because action breaks negotiation. Action breaks negotiation. And this is the one shift that can change so much. So stop waiting until you feel like it. That time will rarely come, if ever. Most people are ruled by feelings, but feelings are unreliable. When you are attached to comfort, to safety, you will not always feel like it. You will not always want to do something. You will not always feel like doing the thing that is very good for you. You will not always feel motivated. You will not always feel brave. You will not always feel ready. And no one will come to do it for you. But if you only move when it feels easy, your life will stay limited by your comfort zone. And your comfort zone is not where your next level lives. I bet you that's the truth. That your comfort zone is not where your next life lives, where your next chapter lives, next level of health, next level of your relationships. That's not where your next level is. Your next level lives in the moment you do it anyway. Doesn't matter how you feel, you do it anyway. The moment you honor your word anyway, the moment you keep the promises anyway, the moment you stop making excuses for the habits that keeps you small. I so believe that this is one of the deepest forms of self-love. Not letting yourself off the hook every time it gets hard. And I think my beautiful toy poodle agrees with me because she is here and she is growling. So yes, not letting yourself off the hook every time it gets hard. That's the deepest form of self-love. Loving yourself enough to honor the standards that will build the life you want. So honoring your standards. Because every time you stop negotiating and follow through, you send yourself a powerful message. That message is I can trust myself. My words matter to me. I value myself, I respect myself. I do what I say that I'm going to do it. I trust myself. And that changes everything. So today I want you to ask yourself

The Final Reminder: Catch the Negotiation Early

Billy Boss 20:47

where in my life am I negotiating with myself? Where am I saying just this once? Where am I lowering my standards? Where am I choosing comfort over commitment? Where am I breaking promises to myself and then wondering why I do not feel confident? Where am I breaking promises to myself and then wondering why I do not feel confident? And I want you to be very transparent with yourself. Be honest, be wonderable. Because awareness is where change begins. And then remember this that you do not need to become a whole new person overnight. You just need to stop barging with the versions of you that is trying to rise. So if I could leave you with one message today, it would be this one the one thing that will improve every area of your life is to stop negotiating with yourself. Stop making excuses, stop lowering your standards, stop giving temporary. Comfort, more power, then your long-term growth, long-term success. Catch the negotiation early and act before the mind turns into debate. Because every time you do that, you build discipline. You build self-trust, you build your confidence, you build self-respect by only catching negotiation early. And that version of you, the one who keeps her or his word, is the version what changes her or his life. So thank you so much for being here with me today. Now, if this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone who really needs this reminder. And if you haven't already, make sure you do subscribe to our show so you don't miss a beat. As I mentioned earlier, new episodes are released every Tuesday. This is the Billy Boss show, The Pathway to Healing, Self-Love and Confidence. And if no one has told you today, let me remind you, your life changes the moment your excuses stop being louder than your standards. You are worthy, you are enough, and I will see you in the next episode. Your support helps us reach more incredible people just like you.